


What are you doing step-bro?

by Ihateswamps



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Homestuck 2: Beyond Canon, M/M, This Is STUPID, a valiant attempt at role play, dave is 'stuck', dryerstuck, still works w/o homestuck 2 context, these two are a menace to their shipmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:20:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28236828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihateswamps/pseuds/Ihateswamps
Summary: It becomes abundantly clear that Dave and Karkat simply cannot be trusted with laundry duty anymore.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76





	What are you doing step-bro?

“Oh no! It looks like I’m stuck!” Dave called out to where Karkat was folding laundry. 

Karkat spun around to find his matesprit kneeling in front of the dryer with his torso stuck into the opening of the machine. 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Karkat asked. 

“I was just trying to do some laundry but I must have gotten stuck!” Dave whined dramatically. “And now I need someone to come help me out.” He punctuated his sentence by shaking his ass slightly, feigning a struggle to get himself free. 

“You are very clearly not stuck. Just take your head out of the clothing receptacle.” Karkat said, unamused. 

Dave pulled himself out of the dryer and spun around to face his boyfriend. 

“Can you just fucking play along. I’m trying to do something here.” Dave said. 

Karkat laughed lightly, deciding to humor Dave in whatever bullshit shenanigans he was trying to start now. 

Dave returned to his position, half his body inside the dryer, and continued ‘trying to get unstuck’.

“Ugh!” Dave growled. “I need to get out soon! I sure hope no one comes in and finds me in such a compromising position.” He arched his back as he spoke. 

Karkat rolled his eyes as he realized what Dave was doing. He put down the laundry in his hands and walked towards the dryer containing his matesprit. 

“Is someone there?” Dave said, really putting his 3rd rate acting skills to good use. “Can you please help me get out? I would hate for someone to take advantage of me while I’m trapped like this.” Dave once again shook his ass, clearly putting on a show. 

“You know you don’t need to do this bullshit. If you want to fuck you can just ask.” Karkat laughed as he stood over Dave. 

“Where’s the fun in that? I thought you were playing along.” Dave groaned from inside the dryer. 

“‘Kay fine whatever. I’ll play along with your weird-ass attempt at role play.” Karkat said, rubbing a ever prominent line between his eyebrows.

“Thank you! Now I just need to get back into character.” He took a quick breath. “I don’t know what happened! I was trying to get my laundry and next thing I knew I was stuck in the dryer. Can you help me out please?” Dave was practically twerking as he moved his ass back and forth.

Karkat laughed as he leaned down to grab a handful of ripe Strider peach. 

“Oh, what are you doing?” Dave said with the same dramatic timbre as an innocent damsel in a bodice-ripper period piece. “Why you couldn’t possibly be here to take advantage of my helplessness, as I sit here with my round, juicy ass just open for the taking.” Dave ground against Karkat's grip as he spoke. 

“I just can’t help myself.” Karkat said, surrendering himself to the ridiculous fantasy Dave had concocted. “I can’t just walk away from the chance to feel up this perfect human booty.” He kneaded the flesh in his hand and felt Dave shudder as he leaned into the touch. 

“Oh, well I suppose I can’t stop you, on account of me being totally and completely fucking stuck for real. I guess I have no choice but to let you have your way with me.” Dave feigned an exaggerated sigh. 

“Yeah, it’s not like you could just remove your fucking head from the laundry machine.” Karkat ran his hands along Dave's hips. “Since you are 100% for real certified stuck, I guess you have no choice but to let me into that sweet, sweet, ass.” Karkat heard how stupid he sounded, but all sense of embarrassment left his mind as soon as he heard Dave groan from within the echoey chamber of the dryer. 

Dave continued pressing against Karkat’s hands, eager to feel more of his touch. He shuddered as he felt Karkat press his hips against his backside, grinding into him. Dave arched his back and pushed back against the troll’s crotch. Karkat moaned at the friction and gripped Dave’s harshly. 

“You’re such a bulgeslut. You probably got stuck on purpose hoping someone would come and fuck you.” 

“I would never do such a thing!” Dave said before turning his head to give Karkat a wink. 

Karkat laughed before sliding his hands under Dave’s pajamas and boxer shorts. Dave’s breath caught in his throat and he let out a small whimper. Karkat took that as a good sign and continued grinding into his cheeks with both of his hands. He let his thumbs tease closer and closer to Dave’s entrance, but never quite touching. Dave groaned into his fist as Karkat continued to tease him. His dick was rock hard by now and was starting to feel uncomfortable pressed against the lining of his clothing. 

Karkat slipped one of his hands lower to gently cup at Dave’s balls, which earned him a particularly loud moan that was only amplified by the echo in the dryer. He felt his bulge stirring behind his sheath, and he removed one of his hands to idley palm himself through his boxers. 

“Look at you, already moaning like a whore and I haven’t even gotten your pants off yet.” 

Dave shuddered as he listened to Karkat's words. He could tell from the slight growl in his voice that the troll was almost as turned on as he was. He wanted to feel his bulge so bad he was tempted to pull out of the dryer and ride Karkat right on the floor. 

But no. He started this whole scenario and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t finish it. 

Karkat could feel his bulge starting to wriggle it’s way out and he was beginning to soak through his boxers. He ground his hips against Dave’s once more before pulling his pajamas and boxers down in one swift motion, leaving the human totally exposed. 

Dave spread his knees apart and hissed as the cool air of the laundry room hit his exposed skin. He felt Karkat’s eyes on him and flushed at the thought of being totally on display like this. 

After a moment Karkat brought his hand down and slapped across Dave’s ass. 

“Ow–Fuck.” Dave shouted in surprise but it quickly dissolved into a moan. Karkat slapped him again and watched as red marks started to blossom on Dave’s skin. 

“God, you’re so hot.” Karkat moaned. He couldn’t help the quiet chitters reverberating in his throat. He grabbed Dave’s ass and spread it out so he could get a full view. Dave jumped slightly and whimpered as he felt the air hit his most sensitive spot. 

Karkat sucked on one of his fingers before bringing it down to circle at Dave’s entrance. Dave bit his knuckle and resisted the urge to shove himself back on the digit. He knew Karkat would never push inside with nothing but spit but the threat alone was enough to make his knees weak.

Karkat pressed his finger against the muscle and watched Dave twitch as he tried not to beg for more already. 

After only a moment Karkat removed his hand and quickly leaned down to replace it with his mouth. He let his tongue slide over Dave’s hole and give the slightest tease of pushing inside. He felt Dave relax against his touch. With his hands free, Karkat reached up to slowly start jerking Dave’s dick. 

“Mmm, so fucking good.” Dave moaned, his breathing only getting harder and more sporadic. 

Karkat pulled away and slapped Dave’s ass again. 

“You want me to fuck you?” He growled, claws digging into Dave’s hips.

“Oh god, yes!” Dave said, spreading his legs even wider. 

“I knew you were a slut. You’ll let anyone just waltz in here and use you like a toy.” 

Dave had nearly forgotten the whole role play aspect of this encounter, and the thought that Karkat was still acting out this fantasy made his dick jump. He bit into the side of his mouth and eagerly waited while Karkat stepped out of his boxer shorts. 

“You’ll do anything just to get a little bulge in you. Pathetic.” Karkat ground his naked hips against Dave’s ass. His bulge slipped between Dave’s cheeks, pre-slurry coating Dave’s entire ass in candy red. 

“Oh yeah, I just can’t help myself.” Dave moaned, “I’m a pathetic bulgeslut just like you said.” He moved his hips in circles, practically dancing around Karkat’s thick bulge. 

“Well we can’t keep the slut waiting forever. I might as well give you what you want.” Karkat growled and he slowly pushed inside. 

Karkat’s natural fluids helped ease things along, but Dave could still feel the stretch as he was pulled onto his partner’s bulge. He let out a loud moan as he felt Karkat’s bulge move inside him. 

“Oh, fuck–” Dave gasped as Karkat’s hips finally connected with his, and he was fully seated inside. Even after he took it all in, Dave could still feel Karkat’s bulge attempting to burrow even deeper, as if it was stretching to reach the furthest spots inside of him. 

“You’re so fucking good.” Karkat never ceased to be amazed at how tight Dave felt as he was stretched on his candy bulge. The troll felt loud chirps echoing through his chest as he ground his hips against Dave. 

Dave recognized the sounds and smiled as he struggled to listen to all the alien noises from behind him. He had enough experience with Karkat to realize that, despite the scenario, he was still making flushed noises. He felt his heart swell as he thought about how lucky he was to have someone like Karkat who still couldn’t help loving him, even while indulging his ridiculous and stupid fantasies. 

Dave pushed his hips deeper against Karkat’s rotating slightly. He had learned a long time ago that Trolls can’t thrust and fuck the way humans can, but the feeling of lil’ Karkat moving inside him was so good he couldn’t imagine wanting to trade it for the best human dick in the universe.

“Oh–right there!” Dave gasped as Karkat’s bulge slid against his prostate. “Oh fuck– more!” Karkat circled his hips, using what little control he had over his bulge to direct it to the spot that had Dave dissolving into a drooling mess. 

“Look how needy you are. You love taking my bulge in your tight human ass, don’t you?” Karkat tried to sound harsh, but the flushed noises he was making betrayed him. Nevertheless, he dug his claws into Dave’s thighs in a vague attempt to feel threatening. 

“Yeah– oh fuck– I love your thick bulge!” Dave moaned, “–so fucking good!” 

Karkat wanted to respond but he could feel his mind starting to blank as he moved closer to the edge. He continued grinding into Dave and soaking in the feeling of his bulge twisting inside the human. Karkat couldn’t help the chitter that escaped his mouth as his bulge moved in a way that nearly made his legs buckle under him. 

“Fuck, Karkat– i’m close–” Dave gasped, “please, I just need–”

Before he could even finish asking, Karkat slipped his hand around Dave’s waist and began quickly fisting his dick. Dave answered with a loud moan that devolved into feeble attempts to form the words ‘thank you’. 

Karkat moved his bulge inside the human, continuing his attack on the spot that drove him wild. He did his best to jerk his hand in time with the pulses of his bulge, but the closer he got the more he struggled to focus on the rhythm. Karkat dug his sharp teeth into his tongue, trying to stay composed enough to make sure that Dave finished before he did. 

He didn’t need to hold out long, he could hear Dave’s breath escalating and becoming more ragged. He knew it was only a matter of time. 

“Come on, babe. Come for me.” Karkat nearly whispered. 

Not a moment later Dave screamed as his orgasm rocked through his body. His knees threatened to give way and shuddered with aftershocks. 

He could still feel Karkat’s bulge moving inside him. After his tremors had passed Dave whined at the overstimulation, instinctively pulling away from Karkat. 

“Fuck wait, lemme–” Dave groaned, and Karkat nearly jumped out of him. Dave pulled himself out of the dryer and quickly spun around, grabbing Karkat by the neck and pulling him into a rough kiss. 

“So I take it you were never actually stuck?” Karkat laughed. 

“Shut the fuck up.” Dave teased, as he pushed Karkat onto the floor. 

Dave started sucking on the side of Karkat’s jaw as he reached down to tangle his hand with his bulge. 

Karkat groaned and it wasn’t long before those deep chirps returned in full force. Dave slid his way down Karkat’s body until his face was lined up with the trolls dripping crotch. He attempted to lick up the length of his bulge like a popsicle, but the bugle refused to cooperate. Instead it made a valiant attempt to edge into whatever space it could find, which in that moment happened to be Dave’s nose. Dave snorted and if Karkat wasn’t still so wound up he would have devolved into a fit of hysterical laughter. 

“Wait–I got it.” Dave said as he wrapped his hands around Karkat and slipped the bulge into his mouth. He sucked down and Karkat threw his head back and released a series of loud chirps. Dave’s free hand slid between the trolls legs to rub at his previously untouched nook. 

“Oh, fuck–Dave!” Karkat gasped. He shook and ground his hips against Dave’s movements. The human took that as an invitation and pushed his fingers deep into his dripping nook. He pressed against his walls in search of the spot he knew drove him wild. 

Karkat gasped and felt his entire body shake as Dave rubbed against his globes inside his nook. His hands buried themselves in Dave’s blonde hair, and craned his neck to get a good view of the human’s mouth around his bulge. 

Karkat knew he wasn’t going to last much longer like this, he could already feel his legs shaking in anticipation. 

“Dave– fuck– I need a bu–” 

In a second Dave pulled off of Karkat’s bulge, leaving his fingers pressed into his tight nook. He spun around quickly and reached for the bucket they kept hidden behind the washing machine. It was definitely the only bucket they had stashed on the ship, and absolutely not one of dozens hidden in various locations where they might run into this exact problem. 

Dave quickly shoved the bucket under his matesprit's hips and continued to press at the walls of his nook. Once the bucket was in place he used his free hand to stroke his thick bulge, squeezing the tip a few times which drove Karkat into a howling fit. 

Karkat felt his gene bladder swell, and with little warning he let out a loud chirp and felt a wave of relief as his slurry hit the bottom of the bucket. 

Dave watched as his hands were soaked in bright red genetic material. After all the times they’ve done this he still felt his breath leave watching the beauty that was Karkat’s orgasms. 

The troll slumped against the floor and started to catch his breath. Dave tucked the bucket back where it was hidden, and made a mental note to clean it up ASAP. He reached for a towel that was hanging from the dryer and cleaned himself up before tossing it to Karkat to do the same. 

Once they were (relatively) free of genetic material Dave reached out to Karkat and pressed his face into the troll’s neck. He listened intently to the faint purrs that came from his chest whenever Karkat was feeling particularly relaxed. 

“Okay, you win.” Karkat laughed. “Your shitty role play attempt was actually pretty hot.”

Dave felt himself break into a fit of laughter. Karkat pulled away to look at Dave’s face.

“It seems like you were even more into it than I was.” Dave teased. 

Karkat’s face flushed red against his grey skin. 

“Hey–” Dave said, “don’t be embarrassed. I liked how into it you were. It made the whole thing so much better.” 

Dave leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to Karkat’s black lips. He rubbed at the back of his neck as Karkat smiled against his mouth. 

“If you ever get ‘stuck’ again–” Karkat laughed, “I wouldn’t be opposed to helping you out.”

“Noted.” Dave smiled. 

The two of them returned their attention to the dryer, which was still full of laundry that Dave was actually supposed to take out and fold. Dave reached forward and pulled out a shirt that was now covered in his drool, sweat, and other fluids. It was clear that almost nothing in the load was spared from their activities. 

“Uh– I think we need to wash these ones again.” Dave murmured. 

“Yeah no shit.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! If you'd like to see more you can follow my tumblr (ihateswamps.tumblr.com) 
> 
> kudos/comments are greatly appreciated!


End file.
